The Adventures of Explorator Chan
by Travellers all
Summary: Jackie Chan Adventures, with Jackie as a Magos Explorator, and Uncle as a High Inquisitor. Oh, and Chaos makes an appearance


Magos-Explorator Jackie Chan finds himself in the castle of Mad-King Ludwig at the head of an exploratory force.

"Corruption at its finest. Wait. Stand back."

Jackie drew a small bead from his belt and sprayed mist in front of the group revealing a thin carved line in the pre heresy flooring.

One of the tech-adepts snorted, "These traps couldn't possibly still be working. They haven't been maintained in thirty-thousand years. "

Jackie tore the adepts hood off and dropped it just past the line, suddenly a wall slammed in front of them, centimeters from the adepts face leaving him stunned.

As the team travelled deeper into the castle Jackie unveiled further traps and finally the mother load of technological treasures. "Now, I'm certain all of this room is also trapped, so don't touch any..."

The adept poked an ancient sword.

Jackie flung his staff at the closing door catching it in place. "Run, I will catch up in a minute. I just have to grab something."

The rest of the small force bolted out the hatch just before the staff snapped under it's force. Around him dozens of traps went off pinging off his mechadendrites as he hunted for an exit. He picked up a large round shield, pre-Dark-Age artifact, and ran for a rabbit hole in the wall. Diving in Explorator Chan landed on the shield and started sliding through the snug tunnel, arms pulled in tight. Finally he burst from the castle and found himself plummeting towards the main entrance.

"Catch the Magos," one if the adepts hollered before moving into position himself.

Jackie's mechadendrites pointed down and flamers flared to life, landing him softly alongside the adept pile.

Off in the distance an inquisitor lowered his macros and glanced to his aid, "Follow him."

Out of sight of the inquisitor another individual lowered his own macros, "Follow that Explorator."

When Jackie returned to his base of operations, an inquisitorial ship, he left the shield on a counter with other pre-heresy artifacts that the High Inquisitor was examining. He retired to his training room to study dark age combat techniques from an ancient scroll, only to be interrupted by a bell ringing outside his door. Stepping out he saw the High Inquisitor on the landing below.

"Jackie, come down and give your uncle a hug!" the old man exclaimed.

Jackie leapt over the railing landing deftly and approaching, only to be smacked on the forehead by his uncle.

"You did not make Recaf this morning. Recaf is the only thing keeping Uncle's ancient heart beating. You want dead Uncle?"

"Neg."

"Then you make Recaf."

"Aff."

_"One More Thing! _You received call from University. They need help translating ancient texts."

"Aff."

_"One More Thing! _I cannot read these inscriptions on the shield. I must go to my study."

"Aff. I ca..."

_"One More Thing! _This is your niece Jade. She will train with you for a year."

"Aff. ... I have a niece?!"

"Your cousin Shin's girl. She is not doing well in her studies, and he thought you might show her the merits of hard work and study."

"Nobody asked me."

"We did not want to bother you. Now you two get acquainted. Uncle has work to do."

"But I don't know anything about acolytes... or children..." Jackie waved to the child, "Hello."

"..."

"Do you not speak Gothic? That is unusual even for even a mongrel to not speak."

A trio of inquisitorial henchmen entered the Chan's working quarters and approached Jackie. "Hello and welcome to High Inquisitor Chan's office, how may we assist you," He said in a scratchy recorded voice.

"You're Jackie Chan, the Explorator right?" the leader asked.

"Aff."

"We are aware you recently collected a shield from a pre-heresy castle. Our Inquisitor is very interested in the shield."

"I am sorry. The shield has been sent by courier to Holy Terra, it should arrive in two or three weeks warp permitting."

"Really.." The leader gestured and the bulkier of the other two knocked over a pair of artifact vases.

Jackie's hands shot out catching the vases easily.

The shorter henchman knocked another vase over and Jackie easily caught it with and outstretched mechadendrite before putting it back on it's pedestal. "**dep4R7 phR0M 7H1z Pl4CE Bef0Re 1 ReM0VE J00 My5ElF**"

"It would be in your Inquisitor's best interest to retrieve the shield before this time tomorrow... Heh," the leader chuckled as he exited the workshop.

"What did they want?" Uncle came out of the back room.

"They threatened you."

"You are a very bad secretary Jackie."

"Watch the acol...child. And hide the shield."

"Where am I going to hide a big shield... Where did I put it?"

Jackie started pursuing the henchmen through the open catwalks of the inquisitorial cruiser. He easily kept pace with the henchmen's skimmer as it had to stay on the bigger walks. When it stopped he started clambering down to it on an exposed pipe. The bolts holding the pipe in place snapped. Placing a work order Jackie braced for impact, smashing the skimmer's front in. "7H W1ll 8uff r19H7 0U7."

The larger henchman smashed the accelerator throwing Jackie against the windscreen as he raced down the walks. Finally he was smashed into a mesh barricade. As the henchmen leapt out intent on beating him, Jackie dropped in through the roof. When they turned back he kicked the doors open into his opponents, then flung himself over the mesh, "j00 ju57 g07 h4xEd n008."

The henchmen drew power swords from their belts and cut through the mesh. As they started swinging, Jackie started dodging, finally grabbing a handful of rebar from the construction that had formerly been blocked. He quickly took advantage of the servitors and materials at hand to humiliate the henchmen, before posing atop a pile of I-beams. He smacked a piece of rebar against his palm.

"Wow," the bigger henchman gulped.

"Let's get out of here!" The leader yelped, running away.

As Jackie watched them flee he saw his niece standing in front of him "Jade?"

Sparks flew around his body as a man in a black trench coat and body armor tazered him.

Jackie awoke in an armored troop speeder to a familiar face, "Augustus Niger , Quam es vos meus vetus amicus. What are you doing here, what am I doing here?"

"I am afraid it is business old friend."

"I didn't think this was Hereticus business. I don't hear from you for six years, and suddenly you are on an Ark Mechanicus. Who forced my reboot?"

"That was me actually..."

Jackie stood quickly and pushed open the back of the truck. "Why did you do that?"

"Jackie"

"I thought we were friends"

"We are Jackie. I'm sorry Jackie, but this location must remain secret."

Jackie glanced around, "Oh, yes such a special pile of scrap. Maybe I'll see you in another six years." Jackie stepped up to a rusted vox terminal, "I need to call a servitor to pick me up."

"Jackie.."

Jackie started dialing and suddenly the vox terminal sucked him in, dragging him quickly through a series of tunnels before depositing him unceremoniously on a polished floor.

"Tried to warn you," Inquisitor Black said, approaching from the side.

"How did you get here so fast?"

"The stairs."

Black led Jackie deep into the heart of the polished facility, an enormous expanse that the explorator couldn't find on his blueprints. "Welcome to Section 13."

"I thought you were Hereticus."

"I was, as well as working my way through the ranks here. We deal with threats to the whole of the Imperium that come from multiple sources, unlike the focused Ordos."

"Are you traitors?..." a flamer sparked on Jackie's arm.

"No, no nothing like that, more like Special Forces, not quite Astartes, but as close as humans can get. And put that thing away."

"So, why bring me here?" Jackie closed the flamer down.

"You recently acquired an artifact, a shield in a pre-heresy castle."

"WHy d032 3V3Ry0N3 kN0w 4B0u7 7h47 ?"

"Jackie?" Black asked concerned.

"You are the second fleshling to ask me about that shield since I returned."

"As I feared."

"Do you mind filling me in?"

"Section 13 was founded to investigate large interplanetary crimes, which it seems can be traced to a Chaos cult calling themselves the Dark Hand. The Dark Hand has connections to nearly every criminal activity since the Dark Ages. Their leader is this man." Black held up a holo "High Inquisitor Valmont."

High Inquisitor Valmont growled as his henchmen returned, "You're telling me one man stopped you."

"Uh... Yeah bu..."

"Three of my Highest Acolytes armed with power weapons were defeated by an explorator."

"Did we mention he had rebar..." the leader defended.

Valmont looked past the three, "Tohru"

A Bone'ead Ogryn approached towering over the three.

"Uh oh" "Wow" "whoa"

Tohru leaned down and hugged all three Acolytes at the same time.

"Easy buddy... We can't... breath... here..."

"Enough," Valmont ordered.

Tohru dropped the Acolytes.

"Retrieve the shield Tohru."

Behind Valmont on the wall of his study a greenish statue came to life, eyes glowing red, "While your Tohru impresses Valmont, Perhaps he should be aided by..." a veritable army of shadows flowed from the walls and rose into humanoid forms "…my Shadowkhan."

"As you wish, Master Shendu."

"We recently learned that the Dark Hand has a sudden interest in collecting certain historical artifacts."

"Why?"

"Unknown, but with this new development, we believe it would be wise to have an Explorator on our side."

"I'm not that good, there's millions of other Arks out there."

"You are the only one I know and trust Jackie."

"But the university, my work."

"It's part time Jackie, research only, you could keep your normal duties."

"I will process your request."

Out of nowhere a motorcycle came barreling down the hallway nearly crushing the Inquisitor "JACKIE!"

"Who is that?!" Black demanded.

"Null association." Jackie quickly replied.

The bike whipped around and sped back towards them.

"Stand aside Inquisitor." Jackie grabbed a nearby wheeled chair "Oh, nice."

"JACKIEEEE!"

"Oh right..."

"GRAB ON!"

The Explorator stepped onto the seat and grabbed the tail end of the bike as it sped past.

"I'm busting you out of here," Jade announced proudly.

"So you can speak. good." Jackie hissed. The bike and chair dropped down a flight of stairs "Error. Panic is not a recognized reaction. Rebooting. Not yet. Halt reboot process, access code Alfa-Alfa-India-Alfa-Hotel."

The motorcycle smashed through the facility, nearly running over servitors and henchpersons all over the floor as it raced around. "Look Out. Watch It. Sorry. Duck."

After several harrowing seconds Jackie managed to locate the fuel line on the bike and sever it, whispering an apology to the machine spirit as he did so. He was thrown off as the bike skidded to a stop striking a wall.

"Jackie how many fingers do you see?" Inquisitor Black asked as he reached the scene of the crash.

"Two. What? Did you expect some non-sequitur like "Ooh Phishies"?" he commented making air quotes.

"Let go of me" Jade yelled in the background as she fought off a pair of servitors.

"How did you get in here child?" Black demanded.

"The stairs," she responded smugly.

"Where did you steal that bike from? Now I have to apologize to the machine spirit and the motor pool."

"I snuck it out of their hanger, knew we'd need it to blow this taco stand. So, we out of here?"

"Jade. These people are my friends."

"Your friends mega-tazed you and took you to a super-secret off the blueprints base?"

"Parsing. Yes."

"Arks are so cool!" the girl cheered.

"Care to explain how our security was penetrated by a child?" Black glared at his henchmen.

"I'm not a child. I'm Jackie's niece."

"Didn't know you had a niece Jackie," Black smirked.

"club dot add(Inquisitor Black)" Jackie retorted.

As he walked away from the stumped inquisitorial retinue he looked at his niece, "Jade."

"Come on, just admit, I was brave."

"Yes, but you also need wisdom to go with. To know when challenges are too big. Courage without wisdom is foolishness, Understand."

"Uh, my Technica must not be too good."

Jackie's personal vox chimed and he tapped the side of his head "Hello?"

"Jackie, Where are you?" Uncle's voice came across the line.

"... Can't say."

"Oh. _One more thing_ Have you seen Jade?"

"Aff, the child is with me."

"See, I knew you two would get along. _One more thing_ I have been doing research on the shield. I have found what the inscriptions mean. They are incantations."

"Incantations?"

"For warp magics, very powerful. But the shield not important."

"Neg... The shield is important uncle. Everybody I met today wants the shield."

"No! Shield not important."

Tohru's shadow appeared over Inquisitor Chan and he growled "The Shield." as he picked up Uncle.

"Uncle? Uncle?! Uncle!"

"Your Uncle Is Fine, Magos Chan" Tohru's voice came across the vox. "But Every Hour I Do Not Possess The Shield."

"Aff. Aff. I process. I will deliver it. I will inform no one." Jackie turned to Inquisitor Black "A favor, between friends. Watch the child."

"Jackie, where are you going."

"Please. No inquiries." Jackie yelled as he entered the transport tube that delivered him to Section 13.

Black turned to Jade "All right young lady..." only to see empty space. He looked around puzzled for a moment.

Back at the Chan Quarters Jackie started through the antiques. "Where would Uncle hide the shield. As he searched and moved objects he was suddenly surprised by a now familiar face hiding behind a folding barricade.

"Hi!"

"Heart Error detected. Restarting." Jackie leapt back. "How did you?"

"The stairs." came Jade's innocent reply.

"Very well. Take these stairs" He gestured "to your room."

"Aww, let me help. Uncle's my uncle too, I think..."

"Aff. Help find the shield then."

Jade almost immediately located the large disc beneath a pile of tomes and pulled it free, dropping the stack on Jackie. As he shook them off groaning he glared at her.

"Is this it?"

"Aff."

"Ah, I must be getting that Wisdom you were talking about."

"Thank you. Now go to your room."

Jade huffed as she exited the room.

At Valmont's quarters, how had a traitor managed to get quarters on an Ark, Jackie did not know, Jackie approached in disgust at the wastefulness of the decor.

"So Uncle's in there." A peppy voice asked behind him.

"You speak Gothic?"

"You know I do."

"So what fragment of "Go to your room" do you not understand?"

"Aww..."

"Stay in this location or I will put you on the first transport home."

"Scout's Honor." Jade gave a mock salute and waited for Jackie to stomp off in Valmont's Quarters. "Pshaw, Like I was ever a scout."

Jackie stepped out of a lift at the highest level of Valmont's Quarters and glanced around, shield in hand. He spotted the Ogryn with a hand on Uncle's shoulders, holding him in place. "What does your boss want with the shield."

"That Is None Of Your Concern."

Out of the corner of his eye Jackie noticed Jade sneaking through a side door. She smiled innocently at him and he responded by gesturing slightly towards Tohru. She nodded affirmative.

"Aff. You want the shield. Catch." Servos whirred as he launched the disc into the air. It soared over Tohru's outstretched arms and looped around a support beam before coming back to the platform on which they stood, landing ultimately back in Jackie's hands.

"Fool. Say Goodbye To Your Uncle." Tohru pulled back a fist to punch the Inquisitor out of existence, only to become suddenly aware of the small man's absence. "Huh..." He spotted Uncle and Jade running to the side door. "Hey!"

"I bet I run faster than you." Jackie commented turning away. Suddenly dozens of shadows rose up from the floor surrounding him. "Loading script... Come and get it." His mechanical eye flashed red, as the shadows charged. He immediately moved to blocking and dodging throwing shadows left and right.

As Jackie fought, Tohru stepped into the lift.

Jackie's opponents pulled out shuriken and started flinging them. The Explorator dove for cover running away from the Eldar-like onslaught before coming to the edge of the platform. He only barely had a grip on the ledge and started wobbling for a moment before recovering with his mechadendrites. As the Shadowkhan watched intrigued Jackie spun and stepped off the edge leaping between platforms on the way down to the main deck.

Meanwhile Jade was dragging Uncle down the stairs "Come on Uncle."

In the lift Tohru frowned at the Rogue Inquisitor's taste in lift music.

Jackie found himself at the top of a very long drop to the main deck after a clumsy dodge and planted his claws in the slope behind him. He quickly found himself fleeing again, and ended up on a thin spike.

Below him he detected Uncle and Jade stepping out onto the main walk and shrugged, before casually dropping the shield.

"Mine!" Jade hollered reaching for it, though the catch threw her and Uncle back a couple meters. As she turned to run, she plowed into Tohru.

"The Shield." Tohru growled.

Uncle raised his arms "Yaahh..Hah" and punched the Ogryn in the abdomen, only for it to have no effect. "Auhh."

Jade chuckled weakly and held the shield up, Tohru grabbing it.

Jackie sighed while watching from above, then noticed the shadowkhan vanishing. A light appeared along with a large skimmer containing Inquisitor Black. "Honest it's a research position."

If he had a mouth Jackie would have frowned.

On the ground moments later Black introduced himself to Uncle. "I never meant for your family to get involved."

"Not your error. The Dark Hand desired the shield."

Uncle smacked Jackie again, "I told you! The shield is not important. The talisman in the center of the shield is. That is where the power lies."

"Sure" Black nodded "We'll be sure to look into that after we reclaim the talisman from the Dark Hand."

"Don't need to." Jade grinned pulling the eight sided stone from her pocket. "Admit it, I'm getting wise."

Tohru approached Valmont bearing the shield he had taken from the Chans. He held it up to the Rogue Inquisitor "Master."

Valmont looked down at the shield, initially pleased, then his face dropped. In sync with the statue behind him he growled "Tohru."

"What?" the Ogryn asked.

"_One More Thing_ See the markings" Uncle held up the talisman "This is the symbol of the rooster from the pre Dark Age terran zodiac calendar. There are probably eleven more talismans like this one."

"And my gut tells me the Dark Hand will be after them as well. Are you on board Jackie?"

"I.."

"Absolutely!" Jade interrupted.


End file.
